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Journal Thoughts… Healing a Hurting Heart

Feeling lost and without purpose?  Isolated?  Autoimmune issues often separate me from others – or perhaps I allow it.  In the midst of a recent episode I chose to read past journals.  I found healing there.  I pray for those of you who may need that special touch today – that my transparency might bring healing to you as well. Join me as I meander through my thoughts seeking and finding clarity and healing.

Journal thoughts April 9, 2007
I woke up sluggish and without purpose this morning.  I have things to do, but… they don’t feel part of a bigger picture.  I know that I’m tired, but this is more than that. Today, I’ll have to talk myself into staying focused.  It’s about obedience.  I’m to take steps even if I don’t feel like it.  Bed is calling me right now, but I need to ignore it.

My vision is a bit cloudy – not my eyes, but my heart’s vision.  I’m walking in obedience, but I’m not sure where these steps are taking me. It is more difficult to get up and go when you’ve lost sight of your place in the big puzzle of life.  Today’s puzzle piece is having trouble fitting in to anything.

Next day April 10, 2007

I have fought the good fight. I have completed the race. I have kept the faith. The prize that shows I have God’s approval is now waiting for me. The Lord, who is a fair judge, will give me that prize on that day. He will give it not only to me but also to everyone who is eagerly waiting for him to come again. 2 Timothy 4:7-8

Today’s devotional message speaks about “run the race straight“.  Know your calling and go straight for it!  Well, it also invites the reader to seek God for clarity. So here I am… submitting to You, seeking a clear picture of the vision that lies ahead for my unique calling.

Father God, Your Word tells us to make our calling and election sure. So, I searched my heart and am doing what I believe you want me to do… study and show myself approved.  Where all this study is taking me, well, I do not see clearly.  Man has a clear path for those that seek to counsel others. Certainly, it is within my grasp to follow those steps.  However, I would quickly leave those aside if you asked me to do so.  I am not in bondage to any man-made goal.  It is YOU that I serve and wish to follow.

Praying for others in the midst of uncertainty…
Thank you for speaking to me this morning through the story of Hannah.  You are just so faithful.  With just a few verses you not only touched my heart, but used me to speak into my friend Sandy’s heart.  How humbling to know that even in my meager attempts to draw close through Your Word, You bless me so abundantly.  Thank you, Father.  I ask You to continue with Sandy this day.  Holy Spirit, I pray You not let-up, that You continue to speak to her directly and through others, that she might be able to walk in the Freedom of Her Risen King.  Thank you, Father.  Bring new life through her Lord, I ask in the name of Jesus.

Back to the vision…. well, my mission is to communicate to others that God has a Divine purpose for their lives.  It is their job to seek that purpose out and to begin to walk in it faithfully – doing their part and “waiting” on You to guide, equip and set the timing.  It would appear Lord that I do that every day as you lead me.  You seem to open my spirit up for such a time as this to provide just the Word from you to break the yoke of bondage.  Thank you Father.  How humbling to know you can still use me.  Man has decided that my past is not worthy of man’s ordination.  Yet You Lord say differently.  You say that it is because of my past that You can use me so well.  Thank you Father!

I’m reminded… “I’m not in the valley, I’m just switching mountain tops”

 

Photo by Juan Jose on Unsplash

Maggie Sabatier-Smith
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Maggie Sabatier-Smith

Speaker. Coach. Author. Catalyst for Change. at Called To Action
"You matter. God said so. Do something about it!" Passionate about living a life that honors God is what speaker, coach, and author Maggie Sabatier-Smith teaches others. She believes in second chances - for both animals and people. Active in prison ministry and an avid pet rescuer, when not busy encouraging someone, coming up with new ideas, or facilitating groups, you'll find Coach Maggie enjoying her cafecito.
Maggie Sabatier-Smith
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