Have you ever walked away from a conversation wondering why you had it? If you’re honest, you would admit that before you opened your mouth you heard banging, clanging warning bells in your head. The message was clear, “Don’t do it. Don’t let yourself be hurt again. Talking won’t change things. It will only make things worse. You gave it to God. Let Him handle it.”
I Get It
This Coach speaks from experience – experiences that started at an early age – the battle between Mother and daughter. My desire to be understood, to be affirmed, to be encouraged by the woman who gave me life.
It wasn’t until my Mima was in her 80′s that I finally understood her. Our roles reversed, I was to take care of her while her mind slowly drifted away. It was then that she finally understood me – that she heard my heart. Out of the depths of her mind she said, “I never knew you loved me this much.” God’s gift given to me in His perfect timing: healing and understanding. It was later, when caring for my Papi, that I got it.
Her only goal in life was to keep me safe. Fear, real or imagined, was her life’s companion. Long before Joyce Meyer said, “Do it afraid” Mom was braving the unknown. To that end she had a whatever-it-takes approach. We would call her a bully in today’s world – might even be considered a form of emotional abuse. The end justified the means in her mind: keep my daughter safe.
Just because you feel fear doesn’t mean you can’t do it. Do it afraid. -Joyce Meyer
Love and Acceptance
We all long for love and acceptance – just can’t help it. God created woman because it just wasn’t right that man should be alone. (read Genesis 2:18) God gets it. Do we? We long to connect.
To make my matters more challenging, I’m wired to communicate – to reason – to listen – to understand – to empathize. I’m a problem solver. It’s a God-given gift. The gift comes with a price. Just because I see a need doesn’t mean I’m meant to address it. As a counselor once said to me, “The problem with you is that you know too much.” Oi Vey!
My challenge is to trust that God has it – I’m to wait on Him for timing, for direction. His word says He will give me peace, strength, endurance… Waiting is not my strength (no surprise to some of my closest friends.) Doubt creeps in and I think that God needs my help. Much like the desperate father in Mark 9:24 there have been many times where I’ve cried out to the Lord, “I believe; help my unbelief!” After all, I’m just human.
What About Me?
Our feelings matter – they speak volumes. It’s when we try to muffle them that we get in trouble. They turn into what I call “the uglies.” Need builds to a crescendo and that’s when our mouth engages without God’s direction or consent. As I’ve shared many times, it’s important that we let our “uglies” out – but choose our audience wisely. Start with God. The hymn, *Seek Ye First is playing in my head as I type:
Seek ye first the Kingdom of God
And His righteousness
And all these things shall be added unto you
Allelu Alleluia
Ask and it shall be given unto you
Seek and ye shall find
Knock and it shall be opened unto you
Allelu Alleluia
God has created us for connection. He knows our need and will direct us to just the right person, if we ask. Not everyone is equipped. But someone is. I’ve been amazed at how many times God has led me to share with someone who has walked through the same challenges I face. Who knew? Our stories matter and equip us to connect with others. There are many who practice the ministry of presence – willing to listen and not judge – someone who will hold a safe space for you to let go of all that burdens you. But God first.
What If, It Is What It Is?
There are circumstances in life that just don’t have a clear resolution. I hate to even say this, but they may be our thorn in the flesh. We are in good company. Paul speaks of his own “thorn in his flesh” in 2 Corinthians 12:6–7.
Be encouraged however. God wastes nothing. As I reflect on my relationship with my mom, it is clear that my heart to counsel, mentor and coach were birthed in that season.
Are you going through a season of muffled uglies? My prayer for you is that you seek God first and then be open to His leading. I pray that He surround you with spiritual mentors that are willing to hold a safe space for you to let your uglies come out of the darkness and into God’s light. I pray that you first stop talking, pray, listen and then follow directions. God’s got you. In Jesus’ name I pray. Amen
*Seek Ye First Written by Karen Lafferty in 1971, it was inspired by scripture (Matthew 6:33)
Photo by Christopher Machicoane-Hurtaud
Maggie Sabatier-Smith
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