Have you ever dug in your heels for no apparent reason? Doggedly determined not to do the thing you purposed to do; you stand down. That’s been me for the last few days. Like a sulking child I almost hear myself say, “I don’t wanna – you can’t make me. You’re not the boss of me.”
You would think that I would at least enjoy my own self-imposed timeout, but no. Instead, my mental bully rises up to tear me down. Entitlement rears it’s ugly head. I begin to justify my actions (or inactions) by claiming that I need a break – earned a break – am owed a break and so on. Does any of this sound familiar?
Self-Sabotage
What did I purpose to do? Write daily on my blog and get back to my healthy lifestyle. These goals are not distasteful to me. In fact, I am my best me when I stay the course. I enjoy the progress I make and the many benefits that come with it. As a professional Coach I’ve done all the right things to prepare and anticipate obstacles. After all, it takes at least 21 to 28 days to create a new habit. Preparation is key.
Apparently, I missed something because I allowed everything to careen to a halt. It’s time to dig in and find the reason.
Life Interrupted
Year 2020 has certainly been a representation of life interrupted – we never saw it coming. But for this article, that is not what is at the root of my bout with rebellion. Why do I share all this? I’m hoping to learn from it and do better in the future. I also believe that for those that relate, my story might help their own.
I’ll walk through the events of this past week.
- Kayaking – a fun day with friends at the Weeki Wachee Springs. July hot – I chose to store my phone in a cooler bag to keep it out of the Florida July sun. Unfortunately, I didn’t notice that the bag was no longer cooling and in fact ended up cooking my phone. RIP
- Kayaking – in a tandem kayak, my dear friend and I flipped it over. What? Yes, first time ever for me. Have no idea what we did or didn’t do. In hindsight it was funny. Getting back in the kayak while still in the water – not funny.
- iPhone – Good news, replacement phone overnighted. Not good news, UPS didn’t deliver, and it’s been in transit for 4 days.
- Homeowner Association – Having issues with an over-zealous board member regarding a decorative fence in my yard. Seriously?
There are worse things in life. Just watch the news. But this is my story and my learning experience.
How did I respond to these experiences? I stopped writing. I made some not-so-healthy eating choices.
Mercy and Grace
What have I learned? I need to replace this go-to emotional hissy fit with a fresh new mindset.
My pride took a hit with my kayaking experience. Didn’t think it all through regarding my phone and I’m not as athletic as I thought I was (understatement.) The delay in the UPS delivery of my replacement phone and the HOA nonsense are out of my control. Don’t like that.
I reacted to the unexpected by stepping away from my best me. What could I have done better? I could have loved myself more and embraced a brief timeout as a healthy rest choice. I could have rewarded myself with healthy eating choices (which I love) instead of eating junk food just to be contrary. Most importantly, I could have taken all of this – my tears, hurt pride, frustration, anger, fear, etc. – and turned it over to the Lord.
“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” – Matt 11:28-30 (ESV)
I know better. I did pray and I did leave it all at the Lord’s feet. But then… I took it back.
Snap Out of It
Snap Out Of It!
God heard and answered my prayers. This morning I searched through past FB posts – hoping to find some inspiration to share with others as I was pretty much tapped out. This meme spoke to me. God did not create me to be average. Just take a look at nature – nothing average about that. How much more did He do for us!
God uses whatever it takes to get our attention. As of this writing, UPS reports that the replacement phone is out for delivery – should have it today. I survived 4 days without my phone. I bet I can do that again but this time I’ll make better use of my time. Whatever else was bothering me, God has that as well. Sometimes we have to go through the thing to learn from the thing. May this speak to the one who needs it the most.
Helping You Be You
Photo by Vidar Nordli-Mathisen
Maggie Sabatier-Smith
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