When coaching individuals through conflict resolution issues, I often hear the word “Respect” used almost as a secret weapon. My client will invariably share how their source of conflict doesn’t respect them. While retaliation is often an “intentional” act of disrespect, it is interesting to note that the other party’s alleged disrespect is often “not” intentional.

There are two key questions that seem to cut right through the heart of the issue:

What does “respect” look like to you?
What if it isn’t personal?  

Most of the time we can glean what respect looks like by listening to what it doesn’t look like. Some of the responses I hear are:

• They don’t listen.
• They answer the phone and/or email while I’m trying to talk to them.
• They cut me off or try to finish my sentences.
• They are unprepared.
• They often ramble and take too long to get to the point. Sometimes there is no point.
• They seem to want me to make the decision for them.
• They raise their voice and their body language is insulting.
• They don’t support me in front of my employees.
• They discount my suggestions. It’s their way or no way.

What does “respect” look like to you? With few exceptions, the answer to this question usually aligns with my client’s personality. Culture comes in second. When we start examining each person’s personality & communication style we often uncover that the “other” person might not be intentionally trying to disrespect them. The second question follows… What if it isn’t personal? I’ve witnessed conflict situations totally diffuse by using this simple question. Once the “personal” is removed, it makes room for more objective observations.

R.E.S.P.E.C.T. Tell me what that means to you.

Are you experiencing conflict in any of your relationships?  Consider spending some time exploring what part "respect" plays.   What if it isn’t personal? What if each of you speaks “respect” in a different language?

Note: There are a number of personality assessment tools; we have chosen to use PEP™ (The Four Elements of Success: Path Elements Profile™) online Personality Assessment. Need help with a Conflict Situation? As an individual or for your team, consider giving us a call. Let’s explore some options.